From "The Drama Lesson"
Scene: A Drama Class, a teacher is stood waiting for the class to arrive. There are few props around, simply a couple of desks and chairs. The teacher looks anxious. We hear the strains of the theme from "Jaws". He looks at his watch nervously and wipes sweat from his brow. A bell rings, this signals the beginning of the afternoon lessons.
Keenan: Oh Hell!(pause) Who knows for whom the bell tolls!
Please Lord, just give me five more minutes, I'll be nice to little old ladies, I'll buy a jacket full of flags for charity. Sod it! I'll even bungee jump to raise money for our new library, just give me five more minutes of peace.
He looks towards the door of the classroom and tilts his head to listen for signs of the incoming hordes)
10 BSE, now you can't tell me that's not prophetic! This group contains more mad cows than any other in school. Its like that Japanese gameshow, "Endurance", how many sessions will it take before young Keenan cracks under the pressure?
Come to think of it I would rather have a bowl of maggots for lunch and scorpions inside me boxers than face this lot again!
Last week they came in and we began the lesson, after twenty minutes in walked Lance Doyle and his minion Mickey Day. Mickey opened the batting with "Sorry I'm late Sir, my library books were overdue and the library's closed at lunch". As if he'd be able to get the sort of thing he reads from the school library. I know for a fact that we stopped stocking "Fiesta" last term!
I told him to sit down and watch for a few minutes. Then Doyle pipes up with "Sorry I'm late Sir, my legs fell off". I pointed to the door and was about to speak when he says "I know Strawberry's office". It was a regular venue for Doyle. I wouldn't care but she had me there for half an hour after school telling me, a good teacher would be able to get through to him, and that I lacked discipline. He was wrong, I got the detention. Crazy world isn't it?
I have tried, believe me I've tried, but there's no respect for teachers anymore, if there ever was. The only discipline possible was the disciplining of staff by management, kids can do as they please.
And I'm supposed to educate them in drama, great dramatic literature. To help them aspire towards a dream more worthy. Some of them aren't too bad, but as a class they wring every last drop of energy out of me. No matter how hard I try this fifty minutes is a nightmare. If it was a white knuckle ride I could sell tickets for it at Alton Towers, it would be the scariest ride on the block.
Two months ago, my car was stolen from outside my bedsit. It was found on the school playing field, a ball of flame. No-one was caught, but I know Samantha Giddeon was involved somehow. She saw me at quarter to nine on the Monday morning and said "Sorry to hear about the car Sir!" How else could she have beaten everyone else to the punch?
(During his speech, as the theme from "Jaws" fades we hear a gradual build of the class coming down the corridor. As he gets to the end the class tumble through the door and into the classroom. This is truly the Wall of Sound. They arrive oblivious to the Teacher and disperse around the room shouting as they go)